My life has not changed at all. As in the last ten years, it is blessed by the stars and eschewed by the men. Be not afraid if time passes and there is no word from me, be not anxious by the tram-station nor blue when you're playing, because I have taken my destiny in my own hands. I have thought in light-years and I have suffered in seconds.
I just fucked up my keyboard. I can't believe what I fucking did. I was just sitting here all smarmy and self-satisfied, nigh even august, wandering what to write about in this internationally acclaimed million-reader blog of mine, and at the first sentence my index gets caught under the bloody 'J' key, there's a pop and suddenly a black pellet flies through the air and lands half a mile away. I look down: catastrophe! I have ripped off the J. As the most acute among you must have gathered by the fact that, well, I am indeed here writing, I did take positive action (as I am wont to do), and fixed it with some cellotape, which of course screwed up in turn and almost ripped off the N and M keys too until I plastered a third layer onto all of them and now it looks like a herd of stegosaurs have been playing hockey on my PC. Literally, not virtually.
Jesus fuck. I can't believe how grusky my laptop now appears. It looks like I was given it at a swine-market as an extra bonus for whoever buys five pigs and three sows and they slap you on the back and offer you a jug of cider and this open laptop to go with, and if you buy a family of piglets they'll give you the plug and the mouse. I mean not that it was the Concorde 3000 of laptops, it could probably recount personal memories of the saber-toothed tiger if you asked, it is about as functional as a shit-flavoured condom and as satisfying to use as a wheelchair made out of his own legs would be for Pinocchio, but n-o-n-e-t-h-e-l-e-s-s FUCK.
I wanted to recount a really artsy thing and speak about elevated cultural criticism in this post but I've kind of lost interest in that now. Content yourselves with this.
PS: Oh Jesus now the J has locked up again and the U has gone down with it. How the fuck do you lock it back in place when you can't even reach the bloody bridge without an electronic microscope and a probe? ROAR!!!