A chance for fine language

I just fucked up my keyboard. I can't believe what I fucking did. I was just sitting here all smarmy and self-satisfied, nigh even august, wandering what to write about in this internationally acclaimed million-reader blog of mine, and at the first sentence my index gets caught under the bloody 'J' key, there's a pop and suddenly a black pellet flies through the air and lands half a mile away. I look down: catastrophe! I have ripped off the J. As the most acute among you must have gathered by the fact that, well, I am indeed here writing, I did take positive action (as I am wont to do), and fixed it with some cellotape, which of course screwed up in turn and almost ripped off the N and M keys too until I plastered a third layer onto all of them and now it looks like a herd of stegosaurs have been playing hockey on my PC. Literally, not virtually.

Jesus fuck. I can't believe how grusky my laptop now appears. It looks like I was given it at a swine-market as an extra bonus for whoever buys five pigs and three sows and they slap you on the back and offer you a jug of cider and this open laptop to go with, and if you buy a family of piglets they'll give you the plug and the mouse. I mean not that it was the Concorde 3000 of laptops, it could probably recount personal memories of the saber-toothed tiger if you asked, it is about as functional as a shit-flavoured condom and as satisfying to use as a wheelchair made out of his own legs would be for Pinocchio, but n-o-n-e-t-h-e-l-e-s-s FUCK.

I wanted to recount a really artsy thing and speak about elevated cultural criticism in this post but I've kind of lost interest in that now. Content yourselves with this.

PS: Oh Jesus now the J has locked up again and the U has gone down with it. How the fuck do you lock it back in place when you can't even reach the bloody bridge without an electronic microscope and a probe? ROAR!!!