Monday, 19 January 2009
Contemplating the Post-Kaka
I'll admit I am writing this blog-post only because I couldn't resist the temptation of using that title, but there's something fitting in the situation nonetheless. For those of you who do not know, football player Ricardo Kaka is going to be sold by AC Milan to Manchester City for a record-crumbling price of 110 million euros, and the player himself is going to be offered a five-year contract for 15 million euros a year. The guy who's buying him is some kind of Ali Baba of football who decided to purchase a scrape team composed of characters from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (with no offence to the supporters, but Man City isn't exactly a continental powerhouse) and turn it into something like the Death Star: he is thus dishing money left and right to buy the world's best players, and this one guy named Kaka is one of the very top (alongside Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo, arguably the best player in the world right now).
If I say that the title is fitting to the situation that's because it is essentially a case of club managers Galliani and Berlusconi taking an enormous plop over all of its tifosi. Even as the money shelled by Ali Baba is going to be cardinal to a new foundation of the team, Kaka is seen as a signpost of dignity and a symbol for everything that the club stands for (I can't believe I'm snickering at the irony afforded by the man's name in this particular case; I'm sorry, I'm a twelve-year old...). As Berlusconi once said, 'we do not sell our symbols.' Yet here he is now, treating the entire Stadio San Siro as a gigantic round toilet and laying the biggest, stinkiest brick in it he has ever been capable of.
Of course, the tifosi rebelled like the 300 Spartans battling at the Thermopylae. Judging by the scenes outside of Via Turati in the last few days you'd think the old days of the Reformation had returned. And they say that football isn't epic, if these guys weren't all as ugly as a Lancaster mastiff it would be enough to put some lightsabers among them to have a proper scene from a Lucas film.
But moving as all their plights may be, the sad truth is that they're likely to be ineffective. If the club has decided they want to sell the young shining star, and if Kaka has decided he's had it with the Milanese shitty weather and wants to go become a pharaoh in the even shittier weather in Manchester, there's little that anyone can do. Ate logo, brother, and enjoy yourself up there.
So here we are, contemplating the gigantic turd that's been left on Italian football and with the prospect of one of its best players leaving it for EVAR and a good deal of our clubs becoming weaker as a result of the shopping rampage that Milan is going to undergo among their talents this summer as a way of getting rid of all the new money they've got. Funny thing is, I'm so freaking blitzed by the puns you can make with this situation that I've yet to feel the impact of it. Prince Ali Baba Spends 110 Million Euros for Kaka. Seriously, this is worse than the when the Nintendo Wii came out. Talk about a low-down from the precedent post - this may be my revenge to the world because I was looking forward to a few comments on that last thing I wrote (I sent the link to a couple of the smartest girls I know and I was expecting some pretty conceitful statements below it... it seems they were *too* conceitful or maybe just too generous to respond) whereas the only one to deign me with some attention was Morty. (By the way thanks mate - not downplaying your response at all, I was just looking forward to a meaty debate).
But the puns just write themselves. We'll talk again after I've grown older, now I’ve got to go learn how to cross the road by myself.
EDIT: And the EXACT FUCKING MOMENT that I post this, Berlusconi comes out and says he's not selling Kaka after all. Well I'll be. The man is more constipated than I thought.